Eleanor Longden: The voices in my head
http://www.ted.com/talks/eleanor_longden_the_voices_in_my_head.html
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To all appearances, Eleanor Longden was just like every other student, heading to college full of promise and without a care in the world. That was until the voices in her head started talking. Initially innocuous, these internal narrators became increasingly antagonistic and dictatorial, turning her life into a living nightmare. Diagnosed with schizophrenia, hospitalized, drugged, Longden was discarded by a system that didn't know how to help her. Longden tells the moving tale of her years-long journey back to mental health, and makes the case that it was through learning to listen to her voices that she was able to survive.
Eleanor Longden overcame her diagnosis of schizophrenia to earn a master’s in psychology and demonstrate that the voices in her head were “a sane reaction to insane circumstances.” Full bio »
Despite what traditional medicine may opine, Eleanor Longden isn’t crazy -- and neither are many other people who hear voices in their heads. In fact, the psychic phenomenon is a “creative and ingenious survival strategy” that should be seen “not as an abstract symptom of illness to be endured, but as complex, significant, and meaningful experience to be explored,” the British psychology researcher says.
Longden spent many years in the psychiatric system before earning a BSc and an MSc in psychology, the highest classifications ever granted by the University of Leeds, England. Today she is studying for her PhD, and lectures and writes about recovery-oriented approaches to psychosis, dissociation and complex trauma.
A LONGER DESCRIPTION FROM ELEANOR:
A
few months ago, a colleague of mine brandished an article in front of me with a
rather bemused expression. "Read this!" he said, "I'd never have
believed it." It was a piece about a man who hears voices. Intrigued, I
began to read:
"The
voice is identified as Ruah... the Old Testament word for Spirit of God. It
speaks in a feminine voice and tends to express statements regarding the
Messianic expectation... It has spoken to me sporadically since I was in high
school. I expect that if a crisis arises it will say something again. It's very
economical... It limits itself to a few very terse, succinct sentences... I
have to be very receptive to hear it. It sounds as though it's coming from
millions of miles away."
The
reason for my colleague's surprise wasn't so much the content (he's a
psychologist and is well accustomed to accounts from people who hear things no
one else can). Rather, it was who was relating their encounter with this
"tutelary spirit" that surprised him. Because this wasn't a report
from a distressed, disorientated psychiatric patient; they were the words of
award-winning, visionary author Philip K. Dick whose works, amongst others,
inspired the movies Blade Runner and Total Recall. To me, this
wasn't particularly surprising; why shouldn't someone of accomplishment and
renown also happen to be a voice-hearer? But to my colleague it seemed to
present a puzzling, almost unsettling, dissonance. And, to an extent, I can
empathize with his surprise. After all, voice hearing is closely entwined with
schizophrenia (with all the sinister connotations that this controversial diagnosis
implies). And in the popular imagination, voices are commonly linked with
derangement, madness, and mental corruption. As such, many contemporary
voice-hearers inhabit hostile territory -- it's an experience that is literally
marinated with fear, suspicion, and mistrust.
Over the years, my voices have changed, multiplied,
terrorized, inspired, and encouraged. Today they are an intrinsic, valued part
of my identity, but there was also a time when their presence drove me to
delirious extremes of misery, desperation, and despair. -- Eleanor Longden
Yet
despite these florid associations, psychiatry has long recognized that voice
hearing features in a range of non-psychotic mental health difficulties,
particularly trauma-based conditions like post-traumatic stress and the
dissociative disorders. Perhaps more unexpectedly, research also suggests that approximately 13 percent of people
with no record of psychiatric problems may also report voice hearing at some
point in their lives. In itself voice hearing is an absorbing topic --
conjuring the nuances of perception and the nature of self -- and has
alternatively been feared, reviled, celebrated, and consecrated, and
forensically scrutinized within such diverse specialties as psychology,
neurology, anthropology, theology, medical humanities, and cultural studies.
Furthermore, accounts of voice hearing have been documented throughout human
history: recounted by a wide array of pioneers, geniuses, rebels, and
innovators that span across the centuries -- and also by normal,
unexceptionable people like myself. You see, I'm a voice-hearer too.
It
was the delirious, frenzied depths and exhilarating rewards of my own voice
hearing voyage that would eventually take me to the Long Beach stage for TED
2013. Over the years, my voices have changed, multiplied, terrorized, inspired,
and encouraged. Today they are an intrinsic, valued part of my identity, but
there was also a time when their presence drove me to delirious extremes of
misery, desperation, and despair. They brought me cringing and rocking to a
psychiatric ward and pulled me down into the bleakest depths of madness; yet
they would also lift me up to help me pass my University exams and ultimately
elevate me to discover fundamental, healing truths about myself. The evolution
of this understanding -- and the remarkable privileges and terrible penalties
it incurred -- form the basis of my talk and accompanying TED book, Learning
From the Voices in My Head.
Sharing
my experiences so publicly could have felt overwhelming, but at every step the
solidarity of friends and colleagues in the International Hearing Voices Movement
fortified and sustained me. This organization has taken huge strides to reclaim
voice hearing as a meaningful human experience; one which, for many of us,
embodies figurative, emotional metaphors that communicate compelling
information about pain and conflicts in our lives. This is not about
pathologizing voices as symptoms; rather it is about understanding, accepting,
and reclaiming them. In my own pilgrimage to recovery, it was learning to see
the voices in more respectful, compassionate ways -- as adaptations, survival
strategies, and representations of emotional pain - that made my healing
possible. After years of shame, horror, and heartbreak, I finally made peace
with my voices which, fundamentally, meant making peace with myself. And it was
this framework that empowered me to take to the TED stage; not as an
ex-psychiatric patient with a 'bad brain,' but as a proud and maddened survivor
with an assortment of valuable and valued voices. In fact, at the end of my
talk June Cohen, one of the conference's wonderful co-hosts, came onto the
stage and asked me, with a respectful interest, whether I still hear voices.
For a split second I hesitated, wondering whether to feign 'normal' and play it
down with an airy "oh, not all that much now." Instead I opted for
the truth: "All the time," I said cheerfully, "In fact I heard
them while I did the talk... they were reminding me what to say!" Pride,
empowerment, and the support to listen to one's voices without distress should,
I believe, be a natural right of everyone who hears voices. So too, the right
to freedom, dignity, respect, and a voice that can be heard.
Ideas
are not set in stone. When exposed to thoughtful people, they morph and adapt
into their most potent form. TEDWeekends will highlight some of today's most
intriguing ideas and allow them to develop in real time through your voice!
Tweet #TEDWeekends to share your perspective or email tedweekends@huffingtonpost.com to learn about
future weekend's ideas to contribute as a writer.
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